Awakening
by PQFan
Summary: How did Carrie and Quinn get back to Carrie's apartment in 04x08? And what could have happening once they were there? Read on!
1. Chapter 1

Flattened emotionally and physically exhausted, Carrie turns towards Quinn in the command room, her face twisted with anguish. She shakes her head silently towards him as if to ask, "what else could I do?" Quinn lowers his eyes, equally distraught, gently places his hand on Carrie's back and begins to guide her out of the room.

"Come on," he whispers, "let's go."

Carrie walks towards the door in a daze. Numb to everything around her and yet acutely aware of how wrong everything felt. It was all wrong.

Without any argument from her, Quinn continues to guide Carrie out into the hallway and into the east elevator. His hand remains rested across the small of her back, mostly because he genuinely fears she might collapse but also because he needs her to feel his presence and hopefully a sense of comfort.

They exit the elevator on the 8th floor, where they both reside, two doors down from one another. Quinn slips in front of Carrie and opens her apartment door. Carrie shuffles in and collapses on her couch while Quinn locks the door behind him and begins a security sweep of the entire apartment. Though Carrie's locks had been changed, he was convinced no one and no place was safe. Several minutes later, he returns to the living room with a blanket, drapes it over Carrie's shoulders and then turns towards the kitchen. Carrie turns her head and watches him.

"You don't have to do that," she tells him.

Quinn fills the teapot with water and turns on the stovetop.

"I know," he simply says, pausing to look at her before opening several cabinets in search of her tea.

Quinn eventually returns to the living room and hands Carrie a warm mug, then sits in the armchair across from her. She cradles the cup in her hands, finding some comfort from its heat, and stares across the table.

"I was trying to do the right thing for once. I was trying to keep someone alive instead of…steering them to their death."

"And you did."

"I don't know what I did….I betrayed Saul. He was counting on me, and I betrayed him. How can saving someone's life be the wrong choice, but it was…"

Quinn listens intently and observes Carrie as she awakens before his eyes.

"Because there are only wrong choices…and it's like I'm finally seeing it now for the first time! Nothing good can come from this fucked up world we've made for ourselves…can it?"

Carrie stares at Quinn, searching for some kind of answer, but Quinn is as sickened by it as she is. She finally sees what he's been trying to tell her.

"I think it's late…and you haven't slept in two days…"

Carrie shakes her head. None of this made sense.

"How am I supposed to sleep…" she grumbles.

"Come on," he stands and reaches his hand out towards her to help her up.

Carrie looks up at Quinn, and giving in to his care, places her hand in his.

"Get yourself in bed, take an Ambien. I'll stay right here. If anything happens, I'll wake you up."

Quinn helps pull her up off the couch and directs her toward her bedroom. She turns around to face him.

"I promise, Carrie."

Carrie smiles weakly, feeling some actual relief to have Quinn here, listening… looking out for her, for Saul.

"Thanks, Quinn."

As Carrie readies herself for sleep, Quinn lays down on Carrie's couch, his eyes looking up at the ceiling and wondering if Carrie was truly starting to emerge from the rabbit hole or not.

A few hours later Quinn is jolted awake to Carrie's screams. He rushes into her bedroom and finds her in the midst of a night terror, likely involving Saul or Aayan, or hell, maybe Brody. He knows waking her suddenly might do more harm than good so sits on the side of the bed, combs her hair away from her face and tries to soothe her.

"Hey, shhh, shhh. It's okay, Carrie…shhh…Carrie it's okay."

Quinn strokes her hair and arm as he tries to gently coax her from her nightmare. Her eyes flutter open. She gasps and shudders violently as she comes to, then bolts upright, trying to make sense of where she is and what's happening.

"Hey…it's okay, Carrie. You were dreaming…it was just a dream. You're in your bed in your Islamabad apartment. It's okay…"

He continues to stroke her arm and tries to calm her. Visions and emotions flood Carrie and with them, come the tears.

"Oh god Quinn…" and she collapses into him.

"Hey…hey…shhh…."

Quinn's arms encircle Carrie like a blanket as she buries her face against his chest and sobs. Her body shakes, releasing years of pain and sorrow. Quinn tightens his arms around her, one hand cradling her head. He wants her to know he is here, that he is not going to let her drown in all this.

It's not long before Carrie's exhaustion and the Ambien take hold of her again. Quinn feels her relax in his arms and he gently lays her back down on the bed. Carrie curls herself into a fetal position again as Quinn drapes her blankets back over her. He gazes down at her, then rises slowly to leave.

"Don't go…" she whispers with closed eyes.

Quinn stops in his tracks and stares at her lying there, then climbs onto the bed, and lays next to her. Carrie turns over to face him.


	2. Chapter 2

_NOTE: I have been struggling with this second chapter because as season four continues, I'm having a hard time bringing these two back together in a physical and more intimate relationship. Ugh! I sure hope CxQ's relationship starts to grow in the final few episodes because I'm losing steam!_

Quinn rolls towards Carrie so he is now facing her and silently watches her. He cautiously keeps a safe distance from her, not wanting to invade neither her physical nor emotional space too much. She was fragile and he was acutely aware of this. So it's much to his surprise when he feels Carrie's hand drape over his. He looks at her, lying there curled up next to him. Her hair tangled, face stained with tears and still tense with fear and anxiety. She was a mess. _Jesus, Carrie,_ he thinks, then takes her hand in his own and slowly strokes it with his thumb. It was such a small gesture but as he lay there, watching her, he sees her relax, calm, and eventually fall back asleep.

Quinn does not sleep that night. He is worried about Carrie. Worried about himself. They are both now stuck in this shithole – Haqqani gaining power, Saul's life on the line, Pakistani prisoners about to be freed, and US/Pakistani relations at an all time low. He knows there is only one way out and that it will take everything he and Carrie have to emerge from this. He just is not sure either of them have anything left to give. His only hope and purpose lies there next to him - with Carrie. If he could get her through this, that would be enough. It would be everything.

Around 4:00am, Quinn's phone buzzes. He rises from the bed and goes to the other room to answer it. Redmond's on the line.

"Peter, we've got about 24 hours before the exchange. I need you and Carrie back in here in about 12. Until then, get as much rest as you can. You'll need it."

"The prisoners, have they been transferred?"

"Yeah, they're here. We're all set to go. We're in a holding pattern for now."

"Got it."

"Do you know where Carrie it? I left her a voicemail."

"Yeah, she's asleep in her apartment. I'll check in on her in a few…make sure she's got it."

"Appreciate it. See you soon."

Quinn puts his phone back in his pocket. He hears the sound of a shower running. Realizing Carrie must be awake and readying herself to return to the lion's den, he braces himself, then heads into her room.

"Carrie? You up?"

Quinn is cautious as he enters the room, not wanting to catch her off guard. He hears the shower turn off and shuffling in the bathroom.

"Carrie?"

Moments later, Carrie emerges from the bathroom wrapped in a white terrycloth robe, her damp hair draped on her shoulders. She looks more rested and clear-headed.

"Hey," she says quietly.

Quinn tries to look past the woman standing in front of him. Tries to ignore the ache growing in his gut, the quickening pulse in his veins.

"That was Redmond. We have about 12 hours of downtime before we need to head back in. You should try to rest more. You're going to…"

"Quinn…" she interrupts him.

Quinn stops talking and stares at her.

"I…I don't know if I can do this."

She is looking around the room as if trying to find something to ground her.

"It's like I see everything so clearly now. How can I…"

She looks at him, her eyes desperate for an answer.

Quinn knows he should be giving her some pep talk, some bullshit about how now is not the time to second-guess and doubt their work. How they had to focus. But he feels the same thing she is feeling and he can not lie to her.

"I don't want to do this," she pleads to him. "I can't do this."

"I know…I know..." he shakes his head knowing she is right. This was so fucked up.

And in that moment of brutal honesty, in seeing so clearly that there is no way out and that all they have is each other, they instinctively step towards each other and embrace.

"I can't do this…" Carrie repeats.

Quinn cannot think of anything to say to sooth her so he just holds her tighter. He begins to feel the warmth of her body seep in through her robe and the softness of her body against his. Carrie clings to Quinn, her fingers digging into the taut muscles of his back, wishing that for once, he really could make things better.

Quinn gently takes Carrie's face in his hands and tilts her head up towards his.

"I don't have any answers…but you are not on your own with this Carrie. We're going to get through it. I promise."

She silently nods to him, their eyes locked. And for the first time, she feels an uncontrollable ache, a desire, to kiss him.

Carrie cautiously reaches up to Quinn and gently kisses him. Their lips are warm and soft against each other. Everything around them seems to disappear in that moment. Quinn continues to hold Carrie's face, his fingers combing through her hair to bring her closer. Their lips part and slowly, they allow their desires take over. Quinn starts to kiss Carrie harder and deeper, her tongue against his. Though he had fantasized about this moment for so long, he found himself overcome with passion and want, so much so he forces himself to pause.

"Carrie," he pants now staring at her.

"Don't…" she begs.

This time, Quinn doesn't hesitate. With one quick motion, he pulls at the tie on Carrie's robe, opening it to reveal her soft, naked body. He parts the robe with both hands, and pulls her against him, his hands grasping her ass firmly. Carrie now feels Quinn's hardness pressing up against her stomach. _Fuck_, she thinks, then reaches for the clasp of his pants. Quinn quickly pulls his shirt over his head, then slips Carrie's robe off her shoulders, leaving it in a heap on the floor. He starts to maneuver her back towards her bed until Carrie feels it against the backs of her legs. By then Quinn has stepped out of his pants and stands naked in front of her. Though she wants to take him in her mouth and taste him, she _needs_ to feel him inside her…filling her, taking her away to another world. They crawl on to the bed, Quinn looming over her and seeing her in all her beauty. He slows, staring down at her, and begins to gently explore Carrie's body, savoring every inch. Quinn's lips are soft against her neck, they graze her shoulder, pull at her breasts. His tongue encircles her navel before moving between her legs and tasting her. Carrie is lost in their passion, only aware of the aches of her body and her need to have Quinn inside her. His tongue laps against Carrie's clit until he feels her hands against his temple.

"Q…Quinn…" she pleads.

Quinn rises and gazes down at Carrie, before once again gently kissing her. Carrie pushes herself to a sitting position, then rolls on top of Quinn, so she straddles him on the bed. He grasps her hips and helps guide Carrie down on top of him. They groan loudly. Carrie throws her head back in the pleasurable pain of Quinn filling her. They move together, at first slowly, as they figure out the intricacies of each other's bodies, then find a rhythm. Quinn can't help but watch Carrie lose herself as she comes closer to climaxing, her hips moving in sync with his thrusts.

"Carrie…" he moans.

"Quinn…" she pleads.

And with a few final deep, penetrating thrusts, Quinn brings Carrie to climax, then spills into her. His body shudders as the waves move through him, while Carrie collapses on top of him, her body hot against his chest.

The lay there, exhausted…then bewildered. Carrie rises up to look down at Quinn. He brushes her hair away from her face and looks for a sign that what they just shared was okay. That it wasn't a huge mistake. She smiles at him and as if for the first time, sees him. All of him.


	3. Chapter 3

A quiet giggle escapes Carrie's lips as she gazes down at Quinn.

"Oh my god," she laughs, feeling both giddy and overwhelmed by what just happened. She waits for him to respond but Quinn just watches her with a quizzical look, still feeling dazed.

"Say something…please!" she begs with a smile across her face.

Quinn calmly reaches his hand up to the back of Carrie's neck, his thumb grazing her jawline, and pulls her down to kiss her again. Their smiles break through as their lips press together.

"What do you want me to say?" he asks her, laughing.

Carrie rolls off Quinn and pulls the comforter over herself, suddenly feeling modest. She props herself up by an elbow and covers her face with a hand.

"What did we just do?!" she asks.

The smile on Quinn's face slowly fades as he watches her. He pauses to consider that what just happened may have been a terrible mistake.

"Regretting it already?" he asks her cautiously.

He wants to believe her answer will be 'no', but he knows Carrie better and that her answer was more likely 'yes.'

Carrie quiets herself, her eyes looking intently at Quinn. _No,_ she thinks…_not regret, but…but what?_

She tilts her head toward him and studies his face. The softness and sharpness of his features, the light facial hair above his lip, and the blue of his eyes. _Those damn eyes_, she thinks and smiles to herself.

"No. It's not regret, " she tells him, but he doesn't believe her. Quinn smiles a knowing smile.

"Quinn…I know that look…"

"And I know that look, Carrie."

They stare at each other in silence, both afraid of moving on from this moment. Quinn takes the lead.

"Listen, we both know now is not the time for any of this…" he starts.

"Quinn…" she interrupts.

"No, listen to me, Carrie. This, what we just shared…" he pauses again, carefully trying to put words to everything he was thinking and feeling. "…it was…incredible…but in 11 hours we're on a tarmac with Haqqani's men trying to save Saul's life. And for the life of me I don't know where or how _this_ fits in to all that."

He was right, of course. As amazing as this time with Quinn had been, particularly their time in bed, none it of mattered. There was no room, no place for either of them to pursue love or sex or whatever the hell this was, with everything going on. They stare at each other in silence.

"I know," she tells him quietly and then lowers herself back down on to the bed.

Carrie nestles up against Quinn and into the crook of his arm, resting her cheek against his shoulder. Her hand finds Quinn's chest and feels the beat of his heart, strong and steady as ever. That was her Quinn.

A few moments pass, the two of them quietly contemplating what if any future there was for them outside Carrie's bedroom.

"I don't regret this. Not for a second," she tells him.

Quinn doesn't respond, but just gently rubs her back with his hand. He'd take this. For now.


	4. Chapter 4

Quinn wakes. The room is dark and quiet. He feels the softness of Carrie's body pressed up against his, her warmth seeping into him. One of his arms is draped around her small waist, the other is tucked under the pillow that their heads share. He glances over Carrie's shoulder at the clock on the bedside table. It's 5:46 am. Knowing their time was almost up, he takes a moment to take in everything around him, but mostly just the reality of Carrie curled up against him. Her back pressed up against his chest, her feet tangled with his, the sweet smell of her her hair. His lips gently graze her shoulder. Would he ever return to such a moment?

Quinn cautiously starts to slip from the bed, away from Carrie, and moves towards the pile of clothing on the floor. He is hoping he won't wake her just yet. She could use as much rest as possible, plus he honestly couldn't bear having to end this moment face to face with her.

"What's wrong?"

Quinn is startled by the sound of her voice. He turns from his seated position on the bed and glances down at her.

"Nothing.," he whispers. "I was just going to go shower and change. I didn't want to wake you."

Carrie reaches out for Quinn's hand and covers it with her own and looks up at him. He shifts a little closer as Carrie rises to a seated position next to him. She pulls the comforter around her chest and tucks some hair behind her ear, then looks at him and tries to speak. She clears her throat.

"I…" but she stops short, still unable to find the words to what she is feeling and wants to express.

Quinn watches her struggle, his eyes study her face. When the words don't come, he gently leans in to her and touches his forehead to her's. He closes his eyes and just breathes her in. Carrie shuts her eyes as well, hoping to herself that somehow Quinn understands the turmoil that she is feeling inside her. Hoping that maybe he feels the same fear she does, the fear of not fully understanding what tomorrow might look like. Hoping Quinn knows that she does not want to just let this go…let him go. But what other choice was there?

Their eyes open and they look at each other. Quinn's eyes are soft, kind, and say everything she could not. She smiles up at him as he gently caresses her cheek with his thumb. He then pulls away and stands. Carrie watches as he dresses. He turns one final time to her.

"You're meeting with the Ambassador and Lockhart at 1800 in the conference room. I'll be with the team in the command room."

Carrie nods in understanding. He was trying so hard to make things normal; trying to make the impossible and awkward shift from lover to agent.

"I'll come get you when the convoy arrives. We can brief each other in the car."

"Right…I'll see you there," she responds.

Quinn pauses.

"We got this, Carrie," he tries to reassure her.

He then turns and leaves the room. Carrie hears the click of her front door closing and suddenly everything feels empty again.

Pulling herself from bed, Carrie slowly makes her way to the bathroom and starts the shower. As the water warms, she takes a hard look at herself in the bathroom mirror. _He was right_, she tells herself. They needed to focus and do this. And then…what?

Carrie steps into the shower. The hot water streams down her body, soaking her hair and warming her muscles. Her mind was awake again, churning about the details of the day. Something wasn't sitting right with her. The whole exchange felt uneasy. Though she was confident in her team's ability to pull it off, it almost felt too too simple.

She turns off the shower, wraps herself in a towel and begins brushing out her wet hair. And in the smooth, repetitive strokes, she decides she needs Quinn to stay back…remain at the embassy during the exchange. Something was eating away at her - there was something else going on but she didn't know what. If Quinn stayed at the embassy, he might see something she could not. She knew he would hate this idea - hate not being able to look out for her and make sure she was safe but he was the only person she trusted to do this. The only other person who might see something and figure out what else was going on. His instincts were almost as good as hers and it was one of the reasons she trusted him more than anyone else. The thought warms her briefly.

With renewed drive and energy, Carrie dresses and readies herself for the day. Yes, they would get through this exchange, get Saul back, and damn it all to hell, get the fuck out of there. She would leave Haqqani and whatever he hell he was up to to the next station chief.

She grabs a banana and slice of bread from her kitchen, then scans her apartment one final time.

"We got this," she says confidently and heads for the door.


End file.
